I don't hand out crowns for skin color.

I've got something to say. 

I'm a proud black woman. I have never been ashamed of my skin color and I have never wished I was a different race (except sometimes when I'm straightening my hair but that's a different story). I love black people. I love our culture and our features. 

But...

I am completely fed up with this expectation that black men and women should be treated like kings and queens for the sole reason that we are black. We always claim that we are so much more deserving of opportunities than others because of "what we've been through". First off, our ancestors were the slaves. Our ancestors were the ones who got us here, not us. Yes, there's still a lot of racism, but if you are truly a king or queen, then stupidity and prejudice shouldn't hold you back. Our skin color was the reason we have been oppressed for so many years, so why would you want your skin color to credit your value? I don't give out crowns for skin color. A man is not a king if he doesn't act accordingly. A woman is not a queen if she doesn't act like one. You don't deserve to sit on a throne if you conduct yourself like a peasant. It's not about skin color. I've seen plenty black men and women who claim they are strong just because they are black. You gain strength from pushing through difficult moments. You don't gain strength because of the amount of melanin in your skin. You are not a king if you are going around selling drugs and calling it a job. You are not a queen if you are paying your bills by screwing a guy that gives you money. You are not a king if you disrespect women and call them out of their name. You are not a queen if you disrespect yourself by exposing yourself to men undeserving. You are not a king or a queen if you don't take care of your children or put your children first. I won't respect anyone who doesn't respect themselves. I won't see a man as a king or a woman as a queen if they don't respect themselves, don't work to support the family, or blame everyone else but themselves for their misfortune--black or not. To be a king and queen, you have to work for it. You have to embody it. You want racial equality? Then you work your ass off and don't expect anything to fall in your lap because of your skin color. Take responsibility for your actions. Don't blame the world for your hardships, push through them. Earn your crown and earn your throne. When you know you worked for it, when you embody the essence of king or queen, even if you may get knocked off your throne a little bit, no one can take that away from you. 

Oh, and I know so many of you work for your crowns day in and day out, and I respect you for that. We all have the ability to be kings and queens. Do it. Believe it. Embody it. Become it. 

*no offense to anyone, just a moment to vent*

what is feminism?

I haven't blogged in a while, and that may be because of two things: I've mentally been in the wrong place or I've been too busy trying to get my life together. I'll go with the latter for my own benefit. 

I've been seeing some tweets about feminism and they haven't been very positive. What people seem to think feminism is is some attack on all males, women will rule the world, men are evil, men are the woman's enemy.....yaddayadda. People also seem to think that feminism gives women the right to be naked in public as a way of "being comfortable with themselves" or that wearing no bra is a sign of liberation (from what I'm not sure). None of that is true at all. Feminism, by definition from the Webster dictionary, is 1 :  the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes 2 :  organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests. Nowhere in that definition does it say feminism is the glorification of man-eating, butt-naked, breast-gallanting, male-abhorring women. 

Now, many people may have a negative view of feminism because uneducated people pull stupid stunts and stamp the idea of feminism on them. For example, many women claim that Rihanna wearing the extremely sheer, flapper-inspired dress to the CFDA Awards was an act of feminism because she bared herself "fearlessly" and empowered women to embrace their bodies. No. First of all, she did it to get attention, to keep herself relevant in the media, to get people talking about her. It wasn't fearless, it was careless. It was an act displaying a lack of self-respect, a will to get attention no matter the cost. She makes millions of dollars and has millions of fans and still feels as though the only way to capture attention is to be naked. And, trust me, I love Rihanna just as much as the next person, but that was inexcusable in my eyes, and definitely not an act of feminism. 

Secondly, I want to put this on the table for everyone to know. Feminism and female empowerment are not the same thing. Like I said previously, feminism is the idea of women being socially, economically, intellectually and culturally equal to men. Female empowerment is the uplifting of women, not above men, but within themselves. Female empowerment  is keeping girls and women believing that they are beautiful, smart, and worthy of respect, no matter what society or anyone else says. It's a way to build and maintain self-esteem and confidence within the female community. Similar to feminism slightly, but not the same at all. 

Thirdly, not just women are feminists. Many men are too! I found a great definition of feminism on Urban Dictionary, surprisingly: "Feminism is the belief that women are and should be treated as potential intellectual equals and social equals to men. These people can be either male or female, although the ideology is commonly (and falsely) associated mainly with women." So how can a man be a man-eating woman? (Unless sex change...never mind). Feminism is also the idea that people deserve and are entitled to equal freedom and equal civil rights, and should not be discriminated upon because of gender, race, sexual orientation, age, culture, religion, or way of living. 

Feminism is not, by any stretch of the imagination, what Nicki Minaj is trying to act upon in her new 'Anaconda' video, which many seem to believe is the case. A woman crediting her behind for her success is not an act of feminism. I'm not sure what it is, but it's not feminism. Women bearing their breasts as an act of liberation from society is also not feminism. I get the point, if men don't wear bras then why should we? Well, because we have breasts. Feminism is about being equal to men, not becoming them. Put your bra back on ladies. 

If you believe that women should be considered socially, intellectually, politically, economically, and culturally equal to men, you are a feminist. If you believe that all people are entitled to equal civil rights with no discrimination, you are a feminist. You don't have to identify as being one, but you hold to feminist beliefs. I just had to let you all know real quick. 

Thanks for reading. 

And if you don't know, now you know. 

bloglovinnnn

<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/12758047/?claim=hs63n5erqkt">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a> 

black women in the states can't look good without weave and makeup...

Good morning, my lovely blog readers. I do want to take some time out to thank you all for all of the love and support I have gotten on this blog, and thank you for allowing me to open my mind to you. 

Today, I want to reflect my opinion on this: 

I swear, black women can never win. If we wear weave, we don't appreciate our natural beauty. If we put relaxers in our hair, we're trying to be white. If we go natural, we are nappy-headed and don't take care of ourselves. 

For some reason, the belief is that only black women wear weaves or that only black women get perms. If you believe that, you are sadly mistaken. There are many white women and other races who wear weaves, they just call them extensions. Essentially, they are the same thing, you want to extend the length of your hair or the volume of your hair by adding more hair. And many other races, such as white and Dominicans, get perms. The reasoning may be different than a black woman's reasoning, but nonetheless, we aren't the only race that perms their hair. And of course, black women aren't the only race that wears makeup (duh). 

But what I wonder is, why is it always a black woman wants to be something other than black when she wants to change something about herself? Many black women get perms to make their thick, coarse hair more manageable, not to make it more "white". Many black women get weaves just to add lengths to their normal hair, not because they want to "look white". It bewilders me that when a black woman puts extensions in her hair then she's trying to be white, but when a white woman does it, she's just adding volume or adding inches, nothing more and nothing less. When a white woman perms her hair so that it's curly, no one says "Oh, she's making her hair curly. She's trying to be black." All in all, she's usually just trying to make her hair curly. And with the makeup, all women are somewhat bashed if they wear makeup because men are so much more attracted to the natural look now (or as they say...*rolls eyes*). 

My question is: Black or white or anything in between, why can't a woman want to ENHANCE her natural beauty without giving off the idea that she is unhappy with herself? Why can't a black woman want to feel sexy with her long weave blowing in the wind without someone thinking she's trying to be white? Usually, we are just trying to live our lives and love the way we look. Changing your natural beauty would include a woman going to the plastic surgeon and lifting her cheeks or adding some extra boobage. And to each his own to the woman who go to that length. But if a woman isn't doing that and she's just adding inches to her hair or some eyeliner to her eyes, she's not trying to change who she is, she just wants to enhance who she is. And even if a woman wants to go get some surgical work done, whose place is it to tell her it's wrong? If a woman cannot feel happy with herself after doing everything the natural way and she feels like she must do something surgical, why not? It's not a man's life to live, it's a woman's. I always find it disheartening when a man has everything demeaning to say about how a woman chooses to physically carry herself. If she wears a shirt with too much cleavage or leggings and she has a big behind, she's trying to get attention. Too much makeup? She hates the way she looks, she must be ugly under there. Preferences are fine, but making all decisions based off of physical media standards is stupid. A man wants a woman with big breasts, small waist, big behind, but she can't flaunt it because then she's attention-seeking. But if a man has a nice 6-pack and walks around with his shirt off, it's no problem, right? 

So, Idris Elba, to each his own. I'm sure there are African women who perm their hair and wear makeup. And that shouldn't be wrong if they want to do that or not. What is wrong is you generalizing all African women and all American Black women, saying that we are all some way when we are all different. You are also wrong to comment on what a woman should do to feel good about herself, to feel beautiful. You don't know the standards a woman has to live by people to find them attractive, so if a woman must put on some foundation or weave to make HERSELF feel beautiful, then let her be. That's not a man's place to comment. If that's not what you like, fine. Move on. But don't try to chop every woman down at the knees because she isn't what you like. You do you, and let women do them. 

P.S.

I'm sure women do some generalizing towards men as well, but I was speaking from a woman's point of view. Men, please don't be upset. Just try to understand where I'm coming from. 

We are all beautiful. 

Black women in the states can't look good without weave and makeup...hmmm. Oh really? Is that so?

Try again. 

misery loves company.

I would like to inform my blog readers on something that happened to me yesterday, just to show you how the world is, even after how far we've come. 

Yesterday, at around 8pm, me and my boyfriend were walking into a Dollar Tree to grab some supplies. In front of the Dollar Tree, an African-American woman, sitting on the ledge of the Dollar Tree window, is talking on her phone. As me and my boyfriend walk past, the woman says in an intentionally audible tone, "And here go this black bitch tryna be white." I turned around to check if she was referring to me because I was the only girl in her vicinity. She then put her hands in the air and said, "Yeah bitch, I said it. Come outside. Come see me, bitch!" I tried to control my anger and continued to walk ahead, but my boyfriend could not handle someone disrespecting me and walked outside to talk to the woman. As I walked outside after him, she constantly referred to him as "white boy" and continued to make threats toward his and my life, saying things like "I can make one phone call and make you disappear." After my boyfriend called her a 'crackheaded bitch' a few times (she did look like a crackhead, not saying he was right to do this), a man claiming to be her brother comes outside and tells my boyfriend not to call his sister a bitch. My boyfriend defends me and says, "Well, she shouldn't have called my woman a bitch." As the men are having their conversation, the woman is trying to talk to me, saying "I don't even know you" over and over. I then ask her, "If you don't know me, why talk shit about me"? She then proceeds to tell me to go suck my boyfriend's dick...cool. So I let it go, my boyfriend and the other guy agree that calling the woman a bitch wasn't right, and my boyfriend and I walk back into the store. 

I am still pretty pissed about the racial remark made toward me, and as I walk I to the store I am still fuming. The man claiming to be the woman's brother is still talking shit, and says quite loudly, "if he had called her a bitch again, I would have beat his ass (referring to my boyfriend)." Matt (my boyfriend) turned around and said "oh really?" and two men came storming toward us ready for a fight. I told Matt no constantly, and he unwillingly listened, putting a cart in front of us to block us from the men. Then, right before the two men went to walk away, one of them said, "if anything, call that half-breed bitch of yours a bitch." At this point, Matt and I both were fed up and as I tried to storm out of the store, Matt was behind me yelling at the gentlemen, telling them to not disrespect me. I repeatedly said, "Me being mixed is obviously a problem here, we need to go" and finally Matt listened. As we are leaving the store, we are still being threatened by the man, who is shouting racial slurs at both of us. We drive off...

I have never felt so angry and hurt and disrespected in my life. I was called a bitch more than three times by three black people in a primarily black area because of my light skin and because I am dating a white man. More than 3 men in the Dollar Tree were willing to fight Matt just because he was white. No one saw anything wrong with the racist slurs toward either of us. No one saw anything wrong with the fact that we did not provoke any of this by doing anything but existing. The fact that these people saw such a problem in my genes as well as my boyfriend's genes, and saw such a problem in the fact that a black girl and a white guy are happy together disgusts me. And the fact that there are so many more people who see interracial couples in this demeaning manner but aren't as ignorant to express it disgusts me as well. We want to blame police for shooting our black men and demeaning our black men, when our black women constantly hurt and disrespect their own black women. And then they have the nerve to get mad when they see a black woman with a white man. I love my man, white, black, purple, green. And that's how the world should see it--two people being together because they love each other. But no, I'm referred to dog-like terminology like half-breed and bitch because I have light skin and a white man. We complain so much about white people being so racist towards us when we are even more racist toward ourselves. A white person has never went out of their way to make me feel bad about the color of my skin or who I'm dating. Ever. Let's reflect on that a little. 

I just wanted you to see how much the world HASNT changed. We still have so much to work on. It's 2014, years after slavery has been abolished. Years after schools and jobs and communities have been integrated. Even years after having our first black president. And black people still look down at other black people for their skin complexions. Black people still see it their business to comment on who a black person can love. It's disgusting and perverted and cruel and imbecilic. I used to cringe at the thought that, if me and Matt have children, that this is what they will have to put up with. Being half white and half black, I used to fear that they won't fit in anywhere. That everyone will see them as different. But I don't fear that anymore. Because each and every person on this planet is different. I will raise them to have tough skin. They will be able to take and dish the bullets, and, when it gets too hard, Mommy and Daddy will shield them and protect them. Our world is still so divided, even within a single race. I only wish it wasn't like this....

How much for that?

What's the cost of getting recognition these days?

I'm a social network guru, if I do say so myself. And the more I scroll down my timelines, the more I see ass shaking, baring skin, the want for a myriad of tattoos, and women in LA. And many young adult women like myself feel like that's the only way to become recognized. What's a girl to do? Maybe I should dye my hair some crazy outrageous purple. Or maybe I should get tattoos from neck to toe. Perhaps piercings in every bodily orphace possible? Maybe if I shake my ass, bounce my ass in a split on Vine? And hell, if I'm all of that and I'm in LA, I've got it in the bag, right? 

This is what we have to aspire to! No woman is getting recognized for being brilliant or ambitious or dedicated or even beautiful. Maybe I should be a video vixen and dance in a thong. Or have sex with someone famous? I'm not sure how we expect our young girls to grow up with a good head on their shoulders if the only people they look up to have their heads on the floor with their leg on the countertop. 

We need to change this. Life is not all about the nearest man turning around to watch you walk away or getting the most likes on Instagram. For what cost do our women have to sell themselves to be noticed? Our young doctors and teachers and women who will be changing our world get a pat on the back, a "hey keep it up". I'm not downing anyone for the way they made it to the top. More power to ya. But it's a growing trend, girls selling their self-respect for money and what they think is power. No, shaking your behind for likes is not power. It's weak. It's showing that's that's all you believe you're worth. My mom always used to tell me, "Baby, you're beautiful, but use your head for more than a hat rack." Don't aspire to be just a pretty face with the latest designer clothes. A nice piece of china isn't much if it's not in a nicer cupboard. Designer with no brain is useless. Strive to be your internal best, and the external best will come. Don't submit to society telling you that you have to be super skinny or you must bare your skin to model. Don't listen to them when they tell you that you don't have enough clout because you don't have enough followers. Don't listen to them when they tell you as long as you have a big butt and a nice rack then you'll make it. Don't listen to them. You're more than the media, baby. Let your mind grow first, then the beauty will reflect itself. The success will come. Stay dedicated. 

"You sound so white."

Trust me. I've heard it more times than I can count, and I'm positive I'm not alone. I'm black, but black people are constantly telling me how white I act because I listen to rock music, or how white I sound when I speak. And let me tell you...

It is one of the most ignorant and annoying things I have ever heard. 

I was raised in a private school setting, minus going to public school for three years. Even beside that fact, my mother also always taught me to speak clearly. Pronounce my words. Enunciate my letters. Don't sound like a mushmouth. Have an extensive vocabulary. Have the ability to talk in languages other than slang. She always told me that that is the way to obtain a successful career. Plus, she worked 12-18 hour days so that I can have the best education, so it is only right that I speak as though I've at least sat in a classroom before. 

But I find it disturbing and quite sad that a black person can only 'sound black' if they sound dim-witted, uneducated, and ignorant. A black person can only 'sound black' if we say the word 'ain't' in normal conversation, or if we take out a few letters or syllables in words. A black person can only 'sound black' if they sound stupid. And that is from the eyes of a black person. You don't usually hear white people tell a black person that they 'sound white' when they speak eloquently. It is usually only us that degrade ourselves. 

We live in the mixing pot of the world: the United States of America. And day by day, we see our children acting and sounding imbecilic to look 'cool'. Failing in school, setting themselves on fire, doing that stupid cinnamon challenge (I've never understood that--cinnamon is a spice...). Looking like a fool is a growing epidemic, and it is the sole reason why we are not progressing at the rate that we want to be. Speaking intelligently should be something you strive to do. Listening to more than just rap and hip-hop should be something you strive to do (or at least give it a chance). We say that we don't like stereotypes but continue to act so stereotypical. You should aim to be cultured, to be knowledgable. You should yearn to learn so much that no one can tell you anything, and then, learn more. One thing my mother always told me was that there is one thing that no one can ever take from you: your knowledge. 

Because I am knowledgable, I am powerful. Don't you dare tell me that I sound white. I sound like the roaring of the resounding seas demanding to be heard. I am an educated black woman, and I act and sound like one. 

-Kendra